I have two secrets.

One, I am a post-abortive woman.

Two, I am finally brave enough to share my story.

The truth is that most living things don’t enjoy pain…especially humans. Writing about them is no cakewalk either. I’ve decided to get over my fear and tell the truth about abortion to usher in healing to the Secret Ache in our nation.

I have written an article about my journey; the pain, the purpose, and the recovery. Contact me if you want to read Secret Ache as it has not been published yet.

Here are a few snippets from the Secret Ache.

“As a teenager, I knew of God’s grace, but I didn’t believe He meant it for me, or situations like this. I survived the biggest dichotomy of my life at that moment: feeling completely disgusted with myself and utterly relieved all at the same time. I felt divided. Devoid. Separated from myself and my God. I prayed again, “Lord don’t let go.” 

                    We had been “safe,” or so I thought. I knew countless couples having sex in high school and not one girl got pregnant. Not one. Just me.

“…I sat through the cattle call of misery that day in a crowded waiting room.  No one made eye contact, and none of us were smiling. I walked out to see my boyfriend, thinking life would go on as usual, but it never does once you have a Secret Ache.”

Probably the biggest lie we’ve sold our daughters is that they can walk in the door with a pregnancy problem and not walk out with a bigger physical, spiritual, or emotional one.

“… Abortions are secret. Most teens don’t even need parental permission like they do to take an Advil on a school trip.  My secret stayed dormant until I was ready to have children within my marriage, but instead, I faced guilt and shame. Some women say they don’t even think about their past abortion until they feel the first kick of a new baby inside their womb.  A truth I know all too well.”

Abortion doesn’t affect all women the same, but for many, it is truly life-altering. 

               ”  This topic must not be swept under the rug because women’s lives, emotions, and future families are at stake.”

I vowed never to speak of my actions – but God had other plans.